Promises
by Debba
Summary: J/H work through their relationship. Rated R for cursing and implied adult situations.
1. Prologue

TITLE: Promises  
AUTHOR: Debba  
RATING: R, for a few curse words and implied adult situations  
SUMMARY: Jake and Hamilton work through their relationship. A little angst, not too bad.  
FEEDBACK: Please? This has been brewing for nearly two years, so I'd like to know if it was worth the wait or not. Review here or drop me an email at debba78@hotmail.com  
A/N: Kristy, thanks for encouraging me! You're the best.   
  
PROLOGUE  
  
"Hey Jake?" Hamilton's voice was soft. It was late - past midnight - and he and Jake were sitting next to each other under the stars, both staring pensively into the dying fire in front of them.  
  
"Hmm?" She looked over at him, her chin propped in her hands. Their voices were quiet; they didn't want to disturb the stillness, or wake their friends, who were sleeping soundly in their sleeping bags on the other side of the fire.  
  
He looked back at her, his blue eyes clouded in the dim light. "What happens now? I mean...summer's over and next semester..." his voice faded as he turned his eyes back to the fire. "I just...I don't want to lose you," he said softly.  
  
Jake smiled softly and shifted so that she was sitting next to him. She laid her head against his shoulder and took his hand in hers. "You won't lose me Hamilton." Memories of their time together danced in her head.  
  
Hamilton grinned suddenly. "I still can't believe I ever thought you were a boy!"  
  
"We've been through a lot together, haven't we?" she said quietly.   
  
"Yeah, we have." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "And I wouldn't trade it for a second, Jake."  
  
"You wouldn't? Not even the pain? How hard it was for a while?" Personally, she wouldn't trade their past for anything, but she had thought that, if given the chance, Hamilton would have preferred to do some things differently.  
  
"Nope. If we hadn't gone through everything that we did, we wouldn't have the kind of relationship we do now. And Jake, I love what we have now." He slid an arm around her shoulders.  
  
"I do too, Hamilton. I didn't know how I'd make it when you and I broke up, but now...I can't think of anyone else I'd want for a best friend."  
  
Hamilton winced slightly as he thought of the pain they had each gone through at their break up the year before. They had managed to stay together for two years before their romance had finally ended. They had both been restless, needing to find out who they were as individuals before they could move any further as a couple. It had been painful - gut-wrenchingly so - but in the end it was the best thing they could ever have done. They never got back together, but had instead fallen naturally into a friendship closer than even Bella's and Will's.   
  
"This is the last time we're gonna do this, you know," he said, gesturing to the fire and their scattered friends.  
  
"I know." For three years, they had all gone on an end of summer camp-out, as a way to commemorate the unexpected adventure in the woods that had concluded their first summer at Rawley Academy. The only rule was that everyone had to keep their eyes open for deer in the road. And now they had graduated, and this was probably their last time as a group before college separated the friends.   
  
"I'll miss it," she said quietly, her voice tinged with melancholy.  
  
"Jake, promise me something?" he asked.  
  
She picked her head up from his shoulder to look in his eyes. "Anything, Hamilton, you know that."  
  
"No matter what happens when we're in college - will you always be my best friend?"  
  
She smiled at him. "God, Hamilton. Even though we're gonna be apart for the first time since we were 15, I can't imagine you not being a major force in my life. I need you as much as you need me, you know." She kissed his cheek briefly. "Yes, Hamilton. I promise that I will always be your best friend."  
  
In the faint light of the dying fire, Jake and Hamilton sat silently, eighteen years old, each leaning on the other, just like they always had. 


	2. Chapter 1

PART ONE - 5 YEARS LATER  
  
He knew Jake was somewhere in the crowd, he just couldn't seem to find her. It was ridiculous, really. She shouldn't be the center of attention, but she should be pretty easy to spot. Hamilton scanned the ballroom of Rawley Academy, smiling as he watched the crowd. Scout, all decked out in his tuxedo, was dancing with his date, Caroline Busse. No one had seen that attachment coming, but it made perfect sense. Bella, radiant and stunning tonight, was chatting with her sister, Grace, both of them smiling and giggling like teenagers. Will was...Hamilton shook his head, amused. Will was talking with Ryder, of all people. He'd have to remember to ask about that one.  
  
He left the ballroom and walked down the hall, still searching for Jake. He grinned as he passed the Men's Room. "Somehow, I don't think she's in there this time, Hamilton," he muttered to himself. She wasn't in the billiard room, either, so he made his way to the terrace, taking a deep breath as the summer breeze ruffled his hair. It was a beautiful night. A shadow down by the lake caught his eye and he smiled. "There you are."  
  
Jake heard him coming. Of all the things Hamilton was, silent and subtle were not on the list. She smiled and turned to him as he strolled out onto the dock.  
  
"Bella looks gorgeous tonight, doesn't she?" Jake asked, smiling at Hamilton.  
  
He smiled back. "Yeah, but then, it is her wedding night. I thought girls were supposed to be gorgeous the day they get married."  
  
Jake bit her lip and turned to look out at the dark water. "Yeah. They are. I'm really happy for her and Will." She glanced down at her bridesmaid's dress. "At least she had the good sense not to stick me in something...hot pink and with ruffles and bows in places I don't need ruffles and bows." She sighed softly, glancing up at Hamilton before looking back out at the water.  
  
The breeze ruffled through his hair as he tilted his head, staring at her intently. "Jake...what is it?" Her voice had sounded odd to him, as if she was holding back. She wouldn't look at him, either, and that was most definitely unusual.  
  
"Sorry, Hamilton. I'm just feeling...contemplative. It's one of those quiet moods. Nothing major, I promise."   
  
Her voice was too quiet, Hamilton thought. Like she was trying too hard to convince him. Jake might be enigmatic and quiet at times, but she didn't ordinarily try to cover how she felt. At least, she didn't do that with him. He thought.  
  
"Jake...c'mon...it's me..." his voice faded as she turned to look at him. Her eyes begged him not to push any further; she needed to work through it first. He bit his lip and thought fast. "So...Ryder? Dare I ask why you brought him to Bella and Will's wedding?"  
  
She smiled, silently thanking him for understanding. "He and I ran into each other in this coffee shop in New York. Turns out he's actually a decent guy, once you talk to him. And once I found out about him and Grace, I couldn't resist."   
  
He looked surprised. "Ryder and Grace? Grace Banks? Huh?"  
  
"Yep." Jake grinned triumphantly. "Apparently they dated during his senior year at Rawley. We were just...oblivious." Her smile faded slightly for a moment; she and Hamilton had been breaking up during Ryder's senior year. She caught herself quickly and grinned again. "So what could I do? I had to bring him. I guess they never really got over each other, 'cause when I told Bella and she told Grace, she said Grace's whole face lit up and then sort of fell...I wanted to see what they'd do." She arched an eyebrow. "Considering the way they were staring at each other, I think it worked."  
  
He thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "I think you might be right."  
  
She smiled at him briefly, then turned back to the water, her face pensive once again. He watched her for a moment, biting his lip as he considered his options. Something was bothering her. He just wished... "Jake, what's wrong? Please tell me?"  
  
Her shoulders tensed as her head dropped. "Hamilton, please. It...it's nothing - "  
  
"It's not nothing, Jake," he sighed. "I can see it all over your face. Something's bothering you. Please don't shut me out?" he pleaded softly, moving closer to her.  
  
She looked into his eyes, admitting defeat to herself. She never could resist those clear blue eyes that saw straight past her defenses. To her utter horror, her eyes filled with tears. "I - "  
  
"Jake! Hamilton! There you are!"   
  
Hamilton fought back a groan as Jake turned quickly, wiping her eyes and hiding any evidence. "Scout, what's up, man?" he asked as Scout walked out on the dock.  
  
"We've been looking for you two. Will and Bella are about to leave." Scout looked curiously over at Jake as she straightened and smiled.  
  
"We better go, then...c'mon, boys, wedding party duties await. Let's go see the happy couple off." She walked past Hamilton and Scout towards the Rawley ballroom, smiling and happy, no trace of the pain that had been in her eyes just minutes before.  
  
Hamilton watched, sighing. "Thanks, Scout," he said, rolling his eyes as he followed Jake up the hill, Scout following closely.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jake surveyed the room. Bella and Will had left a little while ago and the party was finally dying down. The ballroom was filled with their friends and family, all gathered to see a marriage that had been in the making since both the bride and groom had been in diapers. The general consensus was that it was about damn time. The DJ announced the last song, and she grinned as she saw Ryder lead Grace out to the dance floor, both of them smiling nervously.  
  
"Looks like that paid off, huh?" a voice asked from behind her.  
  
"Good God, Hamilton! Don't sneak up on me like that!" She turned to glare at him. She hadn't heard him coming and he'd scared the hell out of her when he spoke. She smiled at him, though, when she saw the apologetic look on his face.  
  
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Didn't mean to scare you like that." He smiled and held out his hand. "Can I have the last dance to make up for it?"  
  
She took his hand and smiled. "You don't have to ask, you know. Come on."  
  
He pulled her to the dance floor and they wrapped their arms around each other, moving slowly to the music. Years of familiarity with each other made their movements easy...natural. Jake relaxed in Hamilton's arms and sighed softly, resting her head on his shoulder as some of the day's tension drained away. Here she was safe. In Hamilton's arms, nothing could hurt her. It was...a dangerous thought. She pulled her mind back from where it had been wandering and forced herself to just relax and appreciate what she had in that moment.  
  
Hamilton held her close, one hand sliding down her spine, easing the tension in her back. She thought she could hide from him, but she couldn't. After all the years they'd known each other, he knew every look, every gesture, every sign of what she was feeling.   
  
"I haven't forgotten," he whispered softly in her ear.  
  
Her head snapped up and she stared into his eyes, shocked. "Wh...what?" He couldn't mean what it sounded like he meant...could he?  
  
He looked down at her. "Earlier...on the dock. You were going to tell me what was wrong."  
  
She bit her lip and her eyes slid away from his. "Hamilton, I...I don't think..."  
  
"Jake, please?" He took her chin in one hand and tilted it up so he could look into her eyes. "It's me. I'm your best friend. Please tell me? Let me in?"  
  
She swallowed hard, whispering, "Best friend...I know...and I..." her voice trailed off. What was she supposed to say to him? He was watching her...watching her with those intense blue eyes that never missed anything she tried to hide. This, though, this had to stay hidden. She couldn't afford to lose everything they had.   
  
He watched her carefully; watched her emotions play across her face as they danced. She was trying so hard to hide it from him, but she couldn't. He'd always been able to read her expressions, even when they had been teenagers. Now he held her close while they danced, watching her try to hide from him.   
  
It hurt to know that she was keeping secrets. They had always told each other everything, and the idea that she was hiding something from him made his heart ache. It wasn't like he was Scout...or Ryder...or Will...it was him...Hamilton. He was one half of HamiltonandJake. He swallowed hard. Even after five years, it was hard for him to think of them as Hamilton and Jake, separate people rather than one being. He caught her eyes with his, his breath catching as their gazes locked.  
  
"Jake..." he whispered. He couldn't look away from her. He didn't even realize that they had slowed down so that they were barely even swaying to the music.   
  
She trembled in his arms as they stared at each other. Oh God, she couldn't hide. She was so tired of hiding. The music faded into the background as he pulled her closer. As much as she thought that she should pull away...run as fast as she could in the other direction...she couldn't. She tightened her arms around him as he began to lower his lips to hers, never once breaking their gaze.  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, that's the last song of the evening. It's been a pleasure playing for you tonight - for those of you driving home, drive safely!"  
  
Hamilton started, the DJ's voice shattering the moment. He caught a glimpse of Jake's bewildered gaze as she realized what had happened, and his heart fell as her eyes clouded over again, hiding her feelings from him. Damn that DJ, anyway. He had been so close...just a moment longer and it would have been...perfect. He closed his eyes as she stepped back.  
  
"Thanks for the dance, Hamilton," she whispered softly as she pulled out of his arms and turned, her head spinning.  
  
He panicked, grabbing her wrist as she started to walk off, pulling her back to him. He heard her startled gasp, saw the confusion in her eyes and knew that the same feeling was in his gaze.  
  
"Let me take you home," he blurted out. Inwardly, he winced. Smooth, Hamilton, he thought to himself. That was just...brilliant.  
  
Jake's eyes widened as disbelief coursed through her. Had he really just suggested...? "Wh...what?" she stammered "Take me...*home*? Are you...I mean...*what*?" Her head spun as she tried to make sense of Hamilton's request. He didn't seriously mean...oh God...what if he did? What do I say?  
  
Hamilton's mind exploded with the possibilities. He hadn't meant it like that...well, not entirely, but he really had just wanted to spend more time with Jake. But now...oh God, now he had all these images in his head. Mental pictures he'd never really been able to banish from his thoughts came rushing into his mind as he fought to come up with a coherent response. He didn't want Jake to think...that...even if.... No. That wasn't an option anymore.  
  
"I just meant...not...not take you home...not to Mom and Dad's...I meant to your hotel..." Jake's jaw dropped slightly as he realized his mistake. "No! Not like that...just...I thought you might need a ride to your hotel and I was offering to take you 'cause I haven't seen you in a long time and we haven't really gotten to talk..." his voice trailed off and he blushed. She was staring, and he was babbling. He was, he decided quickly, an idiot. Then again, he'd known that for years.  
  
"Um...okay," she said softly. Her head was still spinning from what she had thought he was suggesting; thoughts like that about Hamilton always made her weak in the knees. The truth was, though, she really did want to spend more time with him. They rarely got to see each other, and although they spoke often, it wasn't the same.  
  
She smiled shyly at him. "I'd really like that. Thanks, Hamilton," she said.  
  
He grinned. "Yeah? Really? That...that's great." He took a deep breath and then smiled sweetly at her, reaching out to trace her cheek carefully with his thumb. "I've really missed you, Jake," he whispered.  
  
"I've missed you, Hamilton," she whispered back, her eyes huge as she took a shaky breath.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hamilton glanced over at Jake as he drove into town. She was staring out the window, her face virtually unreadable. What is she thinking? And why won't she tell me? he wondered as he made his way to her bed and breakfast. He sighed softly as he pulled up to the house.  
  
Jake turned and smiled shakily. "What's wrong, Hamilton?" she asked as she saw the look on his face.  
  
"You're hiding something," he whispered. "Why?"  
  
She looked down, biting her lip. "Hamilton...please...you know I tell you everything, and I promise...I'll tell you eventually. I just...I need to work through this myself, first. Okay?" She looked over at him, her eyes pleading with him to understand.  
  
He smiled weakly and reached over to trace her cheek gently, whispering, "Okay, Jake. Whenever you want. You know I'll be here."  
  
She smiled. "Thanks. Come on, let's go inside. I'll make you some coffee and we can catch up." Inwardly, she cringed. Catch up?!?! Jake, this is Hamilton...you talk to him three times a week at least!  
  
He shook his head as she opened the car door, giving up all hope of figuring her out. She'll tell you when she's ready, man...just be patient. He got out of the car and took her hand as she led him inside to her room.   
  
"Wow, this place is really nice," he said as she flipped on the light. He knew the Rawley brochures recommended the bed and breakfast to the parents, but he'd never been here in person.  
  
She smiled. "Yeah, your mom recommended it to me." She opened up the cabinet and started the miniature coffeepot. "Do you mind if I change?"  
  
He shook his head no. "I wish I could. This damn tux is choking me." She grinned. "What?" he asked.  
  
"First, you look sexy in that tux...I'd say foxy, but, well..." She smirked.  
  
"Shut up, Jake." He blushed. She always found a way to get to him, he had to give her that.  
  
"Second," she smiled, turning and opening one of the dresser drawers, "I stole these from you last time I visited." She tossed a shirt and a pair of jeans to him.  
  
He cracked up. "I wondered...still dressing like a guy, huh?" He grinned at her, loosening his tie before starting on the shirt buttons.  
  
It was her turn to blush this time. "Shut up, Hamilton. It's not my fault your jeans are more comfortable than mine. Anyway..." she grabbed some lounge pants and a tank top and carried them into the bathroom. "I'm gonna change."  
  
He changed quickly, freeing himself from the uncomfortable rented tuxedo pants and sliding his long-missing jeans on. "She had to take my favorite pair, too..." he smiled to himself as he slid the dress shirt off and reached for the t-shirt she had swiped on her last visit. Just then the bathroom door opened.  
  
"Um, Hamilton? I...oh." Jake stared for a minute. She hadn't seen him shirtless in a while and it turned out that her memory wasn't doing him justice. Her eyes widened, taking in his perfectly chiseled torso, tan from the California sun. He'd filled out more than she remembered, and the change was...stunning.  
  
He swallowed hard as she stared, her sudden silence making him nervous. Jake hadn't stared at him like that in a while. He...missed it. He glanced at her uncertainly before dropping his eyes back to the floor, not wanting her to see what she was doing to him. "Jake, did you...need something?" he asked, trying to fight the reaction he was having.  
  
She snapped out of her daze at the sound of his voice. "Oh...uh...yeah, actually...I...my...um, that is...I can't..." She gestured helplessly to the back of her dress, blushing wildly.  
  
"Zipper?" he asked. She nodded mutely and turned, her face flaming with embarrassment. He crossed the room quickly, sliding his fingertips over the back of her dress, searching for the tiny zipper. "Damn, they make these things hard to find," he muttered.  
  
She trembled slightly at the feel of his hands on her back, praying he didn't notice as he found the piece. "There," she whispered softly as he slid the zipper down, exposing her back to his eyes.  
  
He stared. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. It was Jake, for crying out loud. His first girlfriend. His best friend. The only woman who ever...he bit his lip, closing off that part of his brain, refusing to let the thought even form completely.  
  
"I...you can probably get it from there," he said quietly as she turned to look up at him.  
Her eyes were huge as she stared into his. "Thanks," she whispered. God...the way he was staring...the feel of his hands on her skin...it made her shiver inside. He always had, and he always would. She could never let him see that, though. He was just Hamilton, now. Her best friend, and nothing more. She looked away, sliding back into the bathroom to change.  
  
Hamilton ran his hands through his hair and forced himself to think of how cold New Rawley Lake was, even in the summer. He pulled on his shirt and searched for coffee mugs, waiting for Jake to reappear.  
  
She changed as quickly as she could, fighting the shivers his touch had created. Wrapped up in comfortable pajamas and feeling a little more in control, she opened the door carefully, only to be met with Hamilton holding up a coffee mug, a mischievous smile on his face.  
  
"You like it black, right?" he asked innocently. She wrinkled her nose as he fought to keep from laughing.  
  
"Hamilton, please...tell me you're kidding." She took the cup carefully, glancing down to see that her coffee was light brown, nearly as much milk as coffee, and she smiled at him. "You brat, you were just being mean!"  
  
He laughed, sipping his coffee as he smiled sweetly. "C'mon, Jake, I know I haven't made you coffee in a while, but do you think I'd forget?"  
  
She blushed, sitting down in the armchair by the window as she sipped her drink. "No, but you've been known to mess it up on purpose, Hamilton," she said, smiling at him.   
  
Somehow, as they talked through the night, the earlier tension between them evaporated, as if it had never been. Maybe it was forced away by each of them, neither willing to admit how they truly felt, but nevertheless, it faded.   
  
Hamilton started to doze off first, about three in the morning. Jake smiled as she watched him try and keep his focus on their conversation. "Time change catching up with you, Ham?" she asked gently.  
  
He blushed and nodded apologetically. "I'm sorry, Jake...I can't...I'll go home now," he muttered, standing up slowly. She took his hand and stopped him.  
  
"Sorry, Munchie, I don't think so. You're way too tired to be driving right now," she said, smiling at him. "Kate would murder me if anything happened to you. Lay down, Hamilton," she ordered gently.  
  
He blinked, surprise drifting through the fog in his mind. "Huh?" Was she offering...? No, he quickly decided. He was tired, but he wasn't that tired. He was pretty sure he'd know if Jake were propositioning him. God knew he'd dreamed about it enough. He sat back down, smiling stupidly. "But...where are you gonna sleep?"  
  
She bit her lip. They were both exhausted, and it wasn't like anything would happen. He'd never make a move on her. Not anymore. She sat next to him and smiled sweetly. "With you, of course. Lay down. And don't hog the covers, okay? You know I hate that."  
  
He lay back, sliding under the covers, mumbling, "Whatever, Jake...you were always the cover hog and you know it..." he smiled at her sleepily before closing his eyes and drifting off.  
  
She rolled her eyes and lay down carefully, staying slightly apart from him on the mattress as she pulled the covers up around her. "Right, Hamilton...whatever..."  
  
When they woke up the next morning, Jake was in Hamilton's arms. As the alarm snapped her out of sleep, her first thought was Mmmmmm...I missed this. Coming fully awake, however, her next thought was the Hell??? She jumped out of bed, staring down at Hamilton's sleeping form as her head spun. How had that happened? Did it even matter? He was still asleep; he most likely wouldn't even remember it.  
  
"Hamilton, come on, wake up," she said, shaking him slightly. He only muttered and rolled over. "Hamilton. Get up. Now," she said, her voice getting louder.   
  
He swatted her hand away. "Mermmmphgh, stop it Jake," he muttered.  
  
She checked the clock. She needed to get dressed and he had to get up so she could catch her train. Swallowing hard, she decided it was time to use her secret weapon.  
  
"Hamilton, come on. It's 8.30 and we're gonna miss breakfast if you don't get out of bed. And Finn's final is after that...you know you're gonna need to eat first..." She stepped back and waited. Sure enough...  
  
Hamilton sat straight up, his hair messy and obviously still half-asleep. "Shit, did we miss breakfast? Why didn't you wake me up?" He blinked, disoriented as the room came into focus.  
  
Jake grinned. "Good to know that still works, Munchie."  
  
He woke up fully as his surroundings sunk in, a blush spreading over his cheeks as he realized what she'd done. Dammit, he thought. She always knows how to get me. He glared at her. "Don't call me Munchie," he muttered as he got out of bed.  
  
"C'mon, you have to take me to the train station," she said, unfazed by his grouchiness. He'd always been cranky until he was fed.   
  
Despite her best efforts, though, it was a little tense as Hamilton drove Jake to the train station.  
  
"A banana?" he asked, for the hundredth time.   
  
Jake rolled her eyes. "It was all they had. God. If we had time for Friendly's, you know I'd let you stop."  
  
He muttered something under his breath. In the interest of peace, she chose to attribute it to his grumpy mood caused by lack of what he considered a "real" breakfast.  
  
He knew she thought he was upset simply because of the lack of food. The truth, though, was that he was still brooding over her behavior from the night before. It hurt that she was shutting him out. He just hadn't figured out how to make her talk to him. One thing he knew - Jake wouldn't be forced to tell him something she didn't want him to know.   
  
He sighed inwardly, knowing he only had two options. He could either wait for her to tell him, or he could try and force it out of her. Neither worked for him. They traveled silently through town as he debated with himself. Finally, though, he had to say something.  
  
"Jake, I haven't forgotten."  
  
"Wh...what?" She looked over at him in surprise.  
  
He sighed softly as he pulled up at the station. "Hang on to that thought, okay? Let's get your stuff and get you to the platform."  
  
She swallowed hard, nodding slowly as she got out of the car, helping him pull her bags from the trunk. Her head was spinning as they walked to the platform, wondering what he was talking about.  
  
He glanced at the clock nervously as they found her platform. "Okay, look...there's not much time, but...last night, you were so lost in whatever you were thinking about that you wouldn't even tell me what it was. And I know...I could see...whatever it is, it's something that you have to work out. I just..." he sighed and ran one hand through his already messy hair, smiling sweetly at her.   
  
"You're my best friend, Jake. No one knows me like you do, 'cause no one's been through as much with me as you."  
  
She smiled shakily, melting inside at his words and the sincerity in his smile. "Hamilton, I just - "  
  
He carefully placed a finger over her lips, silencing her. "Shhhh...we don't have much time, okay? Let me finish. I just want you to know...whatever it is, I'm here when you're ready to talk. No matter what time or where I am, call me. Okay?"  
  
She swallowed hard, nodding slowly as emotion overwhelmed her. He was so amazing...he'd always been amazing. And now this was between them, and it was her fault. She smiled shakily at him, mesmerized as always by his incredible eyes.  
  
"Your train's here," he said quietly, picking up her bags and helping her find the right compartment.   
  
She turned to him before climbing on board, smiling softly. "Thanks, Hamilton," she said quietly. "I...just...thanks."  
  
He leaned down and kissed her forehead, pulling her close for a tight hug. "Anytime, Jake," he whispered. "I mean that. Promise me you'll tell me when you're ready?"  
  
She nodded as she pulled back, climbing onto the train as the whistle sounded. "Bye, Hamilton," she said as the doors closed. She sighed as she made her way to her seat, her thoughts jumbled in her mind. As she looked out the window, she could see him on the platform as the train started to pull out. One thought stood out. "I want to tell you, Hamilton, but...I can't. I'll never be able to..."  
  
Hamilton's eyes were troubled as he watched the train pull away. He'd seen the look in Jake's eyes. She was still hiding from him, and she didn't plan on telling him any time soon. He bit his lip, whispering, "Call me, Jake...I'll be here, I promise." 


	3. Chapter 2

PART TWO  
Jake stood at the stove, stirring the spaghetti sauce, her phone nestled between her shoulder and ear. "What? No, why? Oh, come on, Ryder, just tell me...where are you getting gossip about Will and Bella from, anyway? Ohhhhhhhhhh..." Her tone changed as she teased him mercilessly. "You've been talking to Graaaaaace, haven't you? C'mon...you know you have..." she cracked up.  
  
"Stuff it, Jacqueline. How are things with Hamilton?" he asked pointedly.  
  
Her face fell and her voice frosted over. "Bugger off, you British snot," she muttered. "You know he's in town for work, and you know he's staying here. Stop trying to make me nervous."  
  
"Oh, please, love, if you weren't nervous you wouldn't have bit my head off. Call Bella, that's all I'm saying." He sighed softly, caving in to the question he knew was coming next. "And yes, Grace is the one who told me, are you happy?"  
  
She grinned at the phone. "Immensely. Don't lose her, Ryder. You're a much nicer person when you're with Grace. Didn't realize that's what it was in high school, but..."  
  
"Do shut up, Jacqueline," Ryder said with lethal British politeness. "Call Bella."  
  
"Okay. Coffee next week?" she asked, confirming their set plans.  
  
He lit a cigarette. "See you then, love."  
  
"Stop smoking. She hates it." Jake grinned. "See you next week," she said, hanging up the phone just as the doorbell rang.  
  
She turned the sauce on low and made her way to the door, smiling as she saw Hamilton waiting on the other side. Keep it cool, Jake, she thought as she flipped the locks and opened the door.  
  
"Hey, stranger," she said, smiling as he hugged her. She held on tight, savoring the feel of his arms around her.   
  
Hamilton grinned, releasing Jake slowly. "How is everything, Jake?" he asked as she locked the apartment door and reached to take his jacket. She looked good to him. The tension that had been so present in her eyes at the wedding had faded and she looked happier...not as haunted.   
  
She ran her hands through her hair. "Everything's good, Hamilton. Apparently I need to call Bella, but otherwise, things are pretty normal. Is spaghetti okay? I made that sauce..." she smiled.  
  
"Mmmmmmmm...that's my favorite and you know it," he said as they made their way to the kitchen. "You want me to call Bella and Will while you finish? Or the other way around?"  
  
She glanced around the kitchen. "It's all pretty much under control, actually. If you want to take your stuff to your room and call them, that's cool." He nodded, grabbing the phone from the counter as he made his way to his bedroom with his bags, dialing Will and Bella's number.   
  
Her attention was riveted on draining the pasta when Hamilton walked back into the kitchen a little bit later. "So what's up?" she asked, too distracted by the steaming water pouring into the sink to notice the dazed look on his face.  
  
Wisely, Hamilton waited until she had drained the spaghetti. "Bella," he said quietly, "is pregnant."   
  
The pasta pot clattered loudly into the sink as Jake's head snapped up, her eyes stunned. "Wh...what? When? How? No, don't answer that, I know how," she muttered, her head spinning. Bella and Will were going to have a baby? Her mind fought to process the information. Oh God...oh God...first that and now...now this...I can't...calm down calm down calm down. He'll see...he'll know...there's food, he won't notice, but he's not stupid so..." she blinked, startled out of her thoughts by his hand in front of her eyes.  
  
"Jake? Hello? Where'd you go, boy?" He'd thought this would be good news, but for some reason, it didn't look to him like Jake was handling it well. She seemed utterly surprised. It was strange...almost like they were having the same reaction to the news, she was just showing it more openly. That was impossible, though. Jake...she should be thrilled that her best girlfriend was having a baby.  
  
She smiled shakily as she snapped out of her daze. "Sorry...just...wow, really? That's so amazing! I...I should call her. Later. Dinner's ready now. You hungry?" She busied herself with the last minute dinner preparations, focusing on keeping her hands steady and the tears out of her eyes. "Can you get the wine out for me?"  
  
Hamilton watched her carefully as he poured wine for them both. It was almost like whatever had been bothering her at the wedding was back with a vengeance. There was something tickling the back of his mind, something that might help him figure it out, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He sighed inwardly as she took the food to the table, smiling brightly. She's faking again, he thought.  
  
"Dinner is served," she said, hoping he couldn't see the pain in her eyes.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Much later that night, Hamilton woke up suddenly. He sat up, confused, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as the room came into focus. What? Why...God, why am I awake at...he glanced at the clock. 2.45 in the morning?? He never woke up that early...or late, depending on what time he'd actually gone to bed. Hamilton was an 8-hour a night sleeper, and God help the person who woke him up in the middle of that. Sighing to himself, he decided that he must have woken up simply because of the strange bed in a strange apartment in a strange city.   
  
"Shit!" There was a clatter in the kitchen, and that was clearly Jake's voice. Throwing back the covers, he got up to find out what was really going on.  
  
Jake bit her lip, hoping Hamilton hadn't woken up as she picked the pasta pot up and started scrubbing again. She couldn't sleep. God knows she'd tried, tossing and turning for hours as she tried to fight down what she was feeling. Finally, she had to get up. They'd left the dishes soaking in the sink, so she decided to take her stress out on them.  
  
"Uh...Jake? I'm pretty sure it's clean now. Unless...is 'shiny' now a synonym for 'dirty'?"  
  
She jumped slightly, startled. "How long have you been standing there?" she demanded, the pain inside her making her defensive.  
  
"Um..." Hamilton bit his lip. "A few minutes? Sorry...I heard something and just...thought I'd check and make sure everything was okay." He looked closely at her. He could swear there were tears in her eyes and tearstains on her cheeks. "Jake, is everything okay?" he asked quietly, hoping she'd finally tell him.  
  
Her face shuttered. "Everything's fine. Just couldn't sleep, so I decided to do the dishes. Sorry I woke you...go back to bed."  
  
With that terse order, Hamilton's temper flared. "No," he said shortly. "I'm sick of this."  
  
"Wh...what?" Jake stared at him, stunned.  
  
He ran his hands through his hair as he started to pace. "You," he said, pinning her with his gaze, "have been quiet, moody, and secretive with me ever since Bella and Will got married. I'm so sick of it, Jake. Dammit...I'm supposed to be your best friend. Why can't you just tell me what the hell's going on?" His voice faded, laced with hurt.  
  
"I...Hamilton, no...it's not...I can't..." she stuttered helplessly, fighting back tears. The bewilderment in his eyes was too much for her to bear. She hated it...seeing the hurt on his face...the loss in his beautiful eyes...she was going to crack. "Please," she whispered softly, "please go back to bed."  
  
"No." He held her gaze, determined to have this out. "It's destroying us, whether you see it or not, and I'm sick of it. I feel like you're slipping away from me, Jake. If that's what you want...if you want me out of your life, then just say it. God, stop with the damn cold shoulder. Stop shutting me out. Just tell me to leave you alone and I will."  
  
She closed her eyes as a few tears slid down her cheeks. "Hamilton, no...God...you've got it all wrong, okay? I'm not trying to shut you out, but this...you can't help with this." She looked at him, her eyes filled with tears in the dim light as she whispered softly, "I wish you could...you don't know how badly I wish you could...but you can't. I'm so sorry."  
  
He set his jaw. Her tears were going to kill him, but he had to do this. He'd been nice and patient and careful for months now and they weren't getting anywhere. "You are too trying to shut me out."  
  
"No, I'm not. I swear..." her voice trailed off weakly.  
  
"Jake. Stop it. If you're not trying to shut me out, then don't fucking do it. Tell me what's going on." He hated this. Hated doing this to her...hated pushing as hard as he was, but this secret of hers was killing them.  
  
Jake turned back to the sink, turning the water on full blast as she scrubbed furiously, muttering to herself. How dare he do this to her? She hated it when he pushed. God, why couldn't he just wait a while? It would go away in time. She'd make it go away.   
  
He walked up behind her quietly, turning off the faucet.  
  
"...pigheaded, stubborn, arrogant, irritating, annoying, frustrating, can't leave me alone, God...if he'd just stop it would go away...he's so damn annoying..."  
  
"You said that already."  
  
"Shit!" she cried, glaring at him through her tears. "Just...leave it alone, Hamilton! Dammit, there's nothing you can do, okay? It's not your fucking fault that I'm jealous and it's not your fucking problem so just - "  
  
His eyes widened, stunned. "Jealous? What? Jake...why would you be jealous?"  
  
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh...shit. Shit. Stop while you can...please... but she couldn't.   
  
"Why the hell wouldn't I be jealous? Bella and Will...God, they have everything..."   
  
He swallowed hard, wondering where she was going with this. "Everything? But...I thought you were happy, Jake. What do they have that you don't?"  
  
She glared, her eyes burning with hurt and frustration and anger as she cried. "They have each other. Forever. They're best friends, they're in love, they're married, they're having a damn baby and I'm so fucking jealous of them I can't stand myself. Is that what you wanted to hear?"   
  
He stared at her numbly as she cried. She was jealous? She wanted what Bella and Will had? "Jake...what...that's why you've been so upset?"  
  
She sighed in frustration. "Duh, Hamilton. God...I hate it...hate feeling so petty and ridiculous and knowing that I should be grateful for what we have now and I shouldn't let stupid shit bother me and God..."  
  
"Wh...what?"  
  
She shuttered again. "Nothing."  
  
He narrowed his eyes as bits and pieces began to come together into a pattern that was so stunning and incomprehensible it took his breath away. Did she just say...? No. NO. She can't feel...oh God, what if she does? Stop it. Shut up. She didn't mean...  
  
"Jacqueline, why are you jealous of Bella and Will?"  
  
She wiped her eyes, defeated. "It should have been us, Hamilton," she whispered softly.  
  
He stared, speechless.  
  
"That should have been me in the damn white dress and you at the front of the church and it should have been us dancing the first dance, Hamilton." Tears were pouring down her face now as she finally let go of all the pain that had been bottled up inside for months. "And Goddammit, it should be you and me finding out we're having a baby...because it's so right for us. So fucking right. And I'm so tired of hiding and it makes my stupid heart break every time I think about it so I'm trying really really really hard to get over the fact that I love you and accept that you're just my best friend and I'm sorry but it hurts, okay?"  
  
And with that, everything in Hamilton's brain stopped functioning. He didn't know what happened or how it happened but all he knew was that Jake said she loved him.  
  
"Oh my God," he whispered. "Wh...what?"  
  
She couldn't say anything else; there was nothing left to say. She sobbed quietly, hating herself for being so weak...for ruining the one thing that was most important to her life.  
  
"No...oh God, no...please...don't...Jake..." and then he was pulling her into his arms, holding her close as she sobbed.  
  
"I'm sorry, Hamilton...I've tried so hard to fight it. I shouldn't have said anything...please...don't let this change things between us...I...I'll never mention it, I promise," she whispered sadly.  
  
He bit his lip, whispering softly, "It changes everything, Jake." She started to pull away, but he held tight as he traced her cheek gently with one hand, wiping away her tears. "Oh God...I..." he stared into her eyes as words failed him. Swallowing hard, Hamilton did the only thing he knew to do.  
  
His lips brushed over hers tenderly as his hands slid up to cup her cheeks. She gasped and he deepened the kiss, melding his lips to hers as all the frustration and years of pent-up hidden love poured out of him.  
  
Jake whimpered softly, shocked that he was kissing her, but too happy to question it. She slid her arms around him, holding him against her as her tongue met his, teasing, shivering as the intensity grew. His tender kiss was quickly becoming uncontrollable. She loved it, clinging as he pressed closer, sliding his lips across her cheek, under her jaw to the sensitive place right under her ear.  
  
He shuddered helplessly, the feel of her hands on his skin making him burn for more. Her tiny moan when he kissed under her ear made him smile. He'd remembered. He slid his cheek against hers, savoring the feel of her skin as he whispered, "God, I love you...I don't think I ever stopped, Jake."  
  
She pulled back, looking up at him with wide eyes. "You do? You didn't?"  
  
He swallowed hard, whispering, "I love you, Jacqueline."  
  
"Y...you...are you sure, Hamilton? It's okay if you're not...just tell me. I'll understand. I promise," she said nervously, still unable to believe her luck.  
  
He kissed her again, whispering sweetly, "I love you. I've loved you since I was 15. I love you now. I promise, Jake...I've waited my whole life for you. We don't have to wait anymore...don't be scared...please? It's me..."  
  
"It's always been you," she whispered against his lips, pulling him towards her bedroom. 


	4. Chapter 3

PART THREE  
  
Hamilton smiled, blinking slowly in the early morning sunlight that streamed through the window. He didn't think he'd ever get used to the peace he felt at that moment. Jake stirred slightly in his arms and he held her close, brushing back her hair so he could kiss her cheek tenderly. Her hair had grown in the last six months, he noticed.   
  
Her eyes opened slowly and she smiled sleepily. "Morning," she said softly. He was so beautiful. Even after all the time they'd known each other, he still took her breath away.  
  
"Morning," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her gently. "I love you," he said quietly.  
  
She sighed happily. "I love you," she whispered. Even after six months together, she still had days where she couldn't believe her luck. Waking up in Hamilton's arms and knowing she was safe brought a peace she had never imagined possible. Her life, she had decided, was perfect.  
  
He swallowed hard as he watched her. Hamilton hated to disturb Jake when she looked so happy. The last thing he wanted to do was cause any stress or anxiety. Sighing softly, he looked at her. He really had no choice, dammit.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, looking up at him. His eyes were slightly shadowed as he smiled shakily. "Don't tell me nothing, Hamilton. I can see it. Is...is everything okay?" It wasn't like him to be so solemn, especially not first thing in the morning. Fear snaked through her, raising a chill down her back. She shivered.  
  
His mind spun as he fought to remember the words he'd chosen so carefully. "Jake...I...I don't even know how to say this," he whispered.  
  
Her heart sank and tears filled her eyes. "Just say it," she said quietly, waiting for the blow she knew was coming.   
  
"Marry me?" he said quickly. Her eyes widened with shock and he took a deep breath, waiting. It hadn't been quite the way he'd imagined in his head, but...at least he'd asked. Now it was up to her.  
  
Jake stared at him, her brain refusing to comprehend what she'd just heard. She could have sworn Hamilton had just proposed to her, but...that...no. She couldn't have heard right. But then...why did he look so scared?  
  
"Jake," he whispered nervously, "are you going to say anything?"  
  
Her eyes filled with tears as she started to smile. She'd heard correctly. "Yes, Hamilton," she whispered.   
  
He bit his lip. "Y...yes you're going to say anything or yes..." his voice trailed off, the unspoken question lingering.  
  
"Yes, I'll marry you," she whispered, tears starting to slide down her cheeks.   
  
Overwhelmed, he pulled her closer, clinging. "Oh God...I love you, Jake." He reached under his pillow, pulling out the small velvet box, opening it carefully. "If you don't like it, we can exchange it and I swear I won't be insulted," he whispered.  
  
"Oh my God, Hamilton," she gasped. "It...it's perfect...will you put it on me?"   
  
His hands shook as he slid the platinum band onto her finger. The princess cut diamond sparkled in the morning light as they stared at Jake's hand. She looked up at him after a moment, whispering, "Are you sure this is what you really want?"  
  
He smiled sweetly, his eyes glowing. "I'm sure, Jake. I've never wanted anything more than this. I've been hopelessly in love with you for almost 10 years, baby. Please can we make it official?"  
  
She laughed, leaning up to kiss him slowly, her fingers sliding through his hair as she pulled him close. "God, I love you," she whispered.  
  
"I think we should celebrate," he purred softly as a wicked grin slid over his lips.  
  
Jake didn't protest. 


	5. Epilogue

EPILOGUE  
  
Hamilton smiled, chatting easily with his friends as he wove through the crowd, looking for Jake. He'd heard her laughter from this part of the room just a few minutes ago, so he knew she was here somewhere. He scanned the terrace doors, his eyes lighting up as he spotted her. He crossed the room quickly and walked outside, the light summer breeze ruffling his hair.  
  
"Jake, where are you going?" he asked, reaching for her as she turned to him.  
  
She smiled, holding him close. "Just needed some air, Hamilton. That's all." She kissed him sweetly. "Did you think I was running off and leaving you?"  
  
"No," he whispered, sighing happily. "Just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you've been stressed, and that's one heck of a crowd in there," he said. He slid his hands down her back, soothing the tension.  
  
She tilted her head back. "Have I told you today that I love you?"  
  
He grinned. "Not specifically, but you implied it earlier," he answered, leaning down to kiss her.  
  
The terrace door opened. "There you are!" exclaimed Bella. We've been looking for you two everywhere. They're about to start the dancing; you better get inside." She grinned at her friends.  
  
Jake and Hamilton smiled at each other as they followed Bella. He took Jake's hand, lacing their fingers together as he led her to the dance floor, pulling her close as the music started. He smiled at his parents. Bella and Will were grinning at them, and Scout and Caroline smiled happily from the crowd. Even Grace and Ryder were there, and for once Ryder's sardonic expression had faded. He simply looked happy.  
  
"Hamilton," she whispered as they began to dance, "you never told me you loved me today. Do you?" She smiled sweetly, already knowing the answer.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen," the DJ announced as they circled the floor, "Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton Fleming!"  
  
He grinned and Jake laughed happily, her eyes sparkling. It had taken them nearly ten years to get to this point. "You never answered the question, Hamilton," she said, smiling.  
  
He leaned down and kissed her, his eyes shining.  
  
"I do."  
  
END  
  
A/N: This story was inspired by the lyrics in the song "I Do," written and recorded by Paul Brandt. 


End file.
